What to expect
From my friends,
From my boyfriend,
From my famliy,
From the world,
What can I ask for? When do I overstep my boundaries?
Of course, this is not about me demanding people to do anything I want them to do. It's not about them thinking of nothing else but me. Actually, as usual, I'm pretty unsure, what it's about... In fact, what is this all about?
In my opinion it is about feeling welcome. As long as you think your surroundings care about you, you feel protected, even if they're doing nothing but being there.
This may be the key to feel mentally save: Yourself having the impression that you are not alone and that there is someone who understands.
If my boyfriend is with me, I often feel like in his mind, he's someplace else. These moments make me feel uneasy, they scare me in a way words can hardly describe and I would do anything to pull him back to me. Against my will, his is what I'm doing from time to time: I pull. When I start to lose my grip on him, I pull even harder than usually and I know it's wrong and only complicating things but I can't help it. I'm an out-of-fear-puller.
Nevertheless, it's clear what I expect people to do. I don't want to control them.
I want them to be there, when they talk to me and to be honest, when they can't give me that piece of security.
Otherwise, a conversation changing my world, is based on a lie. The lie the listener cares whereas he doesn't give a crap about my problems and has no courage to say so.