spit it out!
some private talk?

I currently found myself in a kind of weird situation. I think I think too much. It's like a thousand thoughts running through my mind and I'm not able to separate importance from nonsense. 

I'm this thing again. I don't know if I ever wrote this down somewhere. I let people's opinions effect me too much - I can't free myself from other's influence. Everything keeps bothering me. Two weeks ago, I had to talk about what was the most important thing in my life. I originally planned on talking about my apartment, family, friends, reading... and I ended up talking about Ben the most! Not a bad thing to begin with HOWEVER it seemed like he also was the only thing I care about in my life and that I consist of him somehow. At least that's what Dr. Stone called it. Maybe it's just because I felt so embarrassed about someone saying something untrue about my character but eversince I need to re-re-rething this whole situation. I imagine myself telling him all about me, how I'm an independant person and don't even see Ben this much. But I don't know if it's true. Maybe I really am weird and need to change something. What sucks most about this is the uneasiness coming along with it. When I feel awkward I usually tend to doubt my abilities. I beging to think: my English's bad. I can't pass the exam. I'm really bad at it and won't be able to help it because I generally am not capable of changing. Or am I?


Another situation that I need to explain. Last October I said that living with Sina goes all right. Well, it actually did. Until the walls in our apartment started to get wet at first and soon you could see some mold in the corridor and bathroom. I admit that I would have been able to live with it BUT: Sina turned out to be that kind of person not capable of taking on responsability. I was the one that had to organize everything about this shared living place and now that I realized it I couldn't ignore it anymore. I mean, come on! I decided to move out and gain some more independence and not to look after a girl who misses her mommy a little too much. 

My feelings took their tole. Leo is the girl I study with. I'm not exaggerating when I say that she presently's the one I trust most . besides Ben of course. Now her roommate's gonna move because she will finish her studies in September and there's gonna be a room left. WHICH I TOOK! I'm gonna live with her and I'm so looking foreward to it!

Unfortunately I had to "break up" with Sina. Honestly, our little community feels kinda weird now. 

But enough for today. I don't feel like writing anymore.

20.6.12 21:59

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